i dreamed of being a mom for as long as i can remember. and when we decided it was time to start having children, it couldn’t happen fast enough.
i. could. not. wait. to. be. a. mom.
i spent many years working with children as a pediatric nurse. i worked with kiddos that needed so much attention and patience, kids battling chronic and life threatening diseases. i thrived as i cared for them physically, emotionally, spiritually and dealt with their family needs as well. there couldn’t have been a better fit; despite my crazy over emotional, cry at the drop of a hat, heart. for some reason, i was made for that career and possessed a strength that those kiddos and families needed, and a strength i had to have to get through my day without busting out into my ugly cry.
i welcomed my first child into the world four years ago and i remember all the tears i shed like it was yesterday. she was a “difficult, high needs” baby. i still tell people to this day that she cried for three months straight. i tend to be a little dramatic. but seriously, i didn’t love being a mom as much as i always dreamt of. that made me feel guilty. and inadequate. and just pretty crummy. i had only read parenting books. i hadn’t jumped into the world of mommy blogs or rants yet so i didn’t know that IT was a thing. a not loving being a mom every single second of the day thing. a counting down the minutes of the day until bedtime thing. a lock myself in the bathroom to take a shower so i wouldn’t have to listen to a screaming baby for five minutes thing. and on the other side of that coin, i also didn’t know about all THOSE feelings. the intense love i had never felt before. the feelings of pride for being her mom. the never stop thinking about her feelings. she is the most amazing, spirited, hilarious soul i have ever known. strong willed and independent too! knowing how hard being a mom is, i wouldn’t trade it for the world.
with all that said, i thought child number two would be a breeze. i mean, he would have to just make due with the lesser attention he would get because momma has to take care of two tiny humans, right? he would be easy going since my first wasn’t! i joke that we aren’t capable of producing children that are calm and easygoing because my second baby is a little on the high maintenance side as well. cute as a button and sweet as pie and loves to be held, but only if you’re standing, and hopping on one foot, and bouncing, and singing simultaneously!
- i love that when i’m alone in public without my kids, i’m still doing the mom bounce as if i’m holding them.
- i love that my knowledge of minnie mouse and doc mcstuffins far surpasses the awareness of culturally relevant media for myself.
- i wouldn’t trade the yoga pants and snotty shirts i wear.
- i can’t imagine a day without swinging at the park or strolling on adventure walks.
- i’d be lost without the sound of sound machines keeping my babies asleep.
- seeing my children smile and hearing them laugh is truly the best thing ever.
- i love the surprises in motherhood.
- i love the strength i have found in my soul to weather the hard times and am thankful for the perspective to realize that it’s all so easy. i mean it all boils down to love. to selflessness. to humility. to protecting. to teaching. to guiding.
- it’s a great honor. a true privilege to mother.
isn’t that what i was made for? ABSOLUTELY!
with all that said, i’ll let you in on a little secret. for every smiley perfect picture you see on social media, just know that there’s a village helping me keep it all together! there are numerous SOS texts to my “band of mommas” asking for advice, begging for their magical tricks, rejoicing in the milestones, and laughing at the self proclaimed mom fails! and the prayers. oh there are so many prayers!
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