refinement

there are seasons of life when we walk through storms. i have learned that it is a beautifully messy process in which God refines us. it’s like being thrown into the fire to burn off the impurities only to be pulled out even more beautiful and worthy than before. “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.” (Isaiah 48:10). it is so hard to understand suffering and i don’t try to understand the “why” anymore, instead it makes much more sense to ask “what now.” ten years of watching innocent children suffer and die from a terrible disease taught me that we will never know the “why.” this world is so messy and ugly but there is a blinding glimmer of hope and that is Jesus. “So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.” (Hebrews 13:12). i truly believe that i am made completely new, shiny and good, because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. but the story doesn’t end there. we still live in a world full of sin and as long as it is that way, my process of sanctification and refinement continues. i have learned that this process is an honor. it hurts and it doesn’t make sense but it brings me so near to my God and the peace that comes from communion with Him is unmatched. the hope is eternal. “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5). it is so easy to put blinders on when walking through suffering. to cave in and detach from life. all suffering looks different. it affects us all differently. but God’s purpose is always sanctification. i hit a wall the other day and realized that i have been in this rut of affliction for a while, always in need, unable to muster up the energy to be available to take on other’s burdens and that. is. not. me. i love to encourage. to be there. to serve. so i cling to His promises. and i am able to emerge my head from the stormy seas and be present. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:2). i just learned of a friend’s inconceivable loss of her baby, at term. i can’t comprehend the hurt she and her husband are feeling and when i try to imagine, i can only cling to Jesus and beg him to hold them near. to give them peace. to give them a way out of this fire. to show them purpose at some point in their journey. another dear friend of mine was weighted by fear. she courageously beat cancer twice, possesses the most beautiful soul and is my inspiration in many facets of life. she had a new pain in her body and feared the worst. i can’t even begin to imagine how she was able to continue being a wonderful mother, wife, and friend with that on her mind. she begged Jesus. by His grace, she is healthy. she has always been so present to me. she has taken on my burdens and she has pleaded with God on my behalf. i did the same for her. and today, in between rain showers, i think about those suffering from loss caused by the floods. and other natural disasters. complete devastation that doesn’t make sense. i think if we all opened our eyes, we would see that many near us are walking through their own storms. it just seems natural to keep trials inward but imagine how freeing and how glorifying to our God it could be if we invited others in. that is what we are meant to do. we band together. we embrace these storms, we allow God to refine us, we come out better, beautifully sanctified, and we give all the glory to Him.