the power of art

this view in my living room is so powerful. it takes me back to the beginning of my journey through art…the beginning of an outlet that would be messy yet therapeutic. art began for me in the early days of my nursing career. fresh out of nursing school, still a kid it felt like, i took a job in pediatric oncology. luckily i didn’t put much thought into it besides knowing that i wanted to care deeply for patients. if i would have put too much thought into it, i probably would have let fear steer me away. fear of grief. fear of pain. fear of it being too hard to watch children suffer. well it was too hard but the incredible strength of those tiny warriors kept me going for ten years…and the memories, those stored in my heart and those splattered on canvas continue to live on. i remember coming home from work, in tears, after watching a tiny patient die, for the first time. i didn’t know what to do. i begged God for a way to deal with this new normal that would be my career. and for some reason, not short of a miracle, i picked up a paintbrush. that’s where my journey with art began. so when i look at this wall, the painting on the right, is filled with grief and pain and anger…and beauty. you see i lost two teenage patients that day. they were such amazing kids, they had bright futures, they were kind, they were respectful, they were wise, they were brave…i had spent countless days, hours, minutes, tears with them during their time in the hospital. i knew their moms, their siblings, their favorite subjects in school, their hobbies. but i also knew the terrible disease that ravaged their bodies. losing them was the beginning of a world that i had no idea existed. a world where grief lingers forever but also where beauty can be born from ashes.

i have tangible memories of that decade long “war” and for that i am thankful. i still remember the exact feelings i felt when each piece of art was created, it’s like the grieving at that exact moment has been frozen in time. i was fortunate enough to be able to share some pieces with the parents of the kids they were created over. and also had the opportunity to engage some patients in art projects while they were in the hospital; this provided welcomed distraction for them, well, and for me.